Menopause is having a (much-needed, well-deserved) moment.
After a seeming eternity in the shadows — when “the change” was shrouded in silence and even shame, when women suffered quietly with a slew of symptoms and the emotional fall-out from a major life transition — the conversation is finally changing.
Women, including celebrities, are coming forward to talk about their midlife experiences. Actresses and TV personalities famous not only for their talent but also for their youthful glow (Halle Berry, Naomi Watts, Drew Barrymore), who would have kept menopause hush-hush in earlier decades, lest they be viewed differently in their careers, are now speaking out boldly. Social media influencers, like Melani Sanders (@justbeingmelani), are launching online communities for women in menopause, helping each other navigate it with humor as well as pathos. Doctors and healthcare professionals specializing in menopause are advocating for more research and better ways to treat, support, and empower women through what can be a difficult transition.
What is menopause?
Menopause is the end of a woman’s reproductive years, the end of menstruation for a person who menstruates. Official menopause occurs after 12 months without a menstrual period. The average age of menopause in the U.S. is 51, but a typical range is anywhere from 45 to 55 years old. And for each individual, it’s actually a transition that can last a long time. Menopause is a moment in time, but perimenopause, the stage and changes leading up to menopause, begins about eight to 10 years before menopause. The range for the onset of perimenopause is huge as well — some women notice changes as early as their 30s or as late as their 50s, according to the Mayo Clinic.
During this time, as estrogen levels fluctuate, women may experience a wide range of symptoms that impact their daily lives: hot flashes, sleep disruption, decreased energy, mood swings, and mental health challenges (depression, anxiety), sexual function issues (changes in libido, painful sex), and more. For some people, symptoms are mild, for others, more severe.
Gen-X women — currently between the ages of approximately 45 and 60 years old (born 1965-1980) — are the first generation to hit menopause in the internet age, offering a platform for discussing all these issues, living through them out loud, sharing and comparing experiences.
Menopause: A New Lens on “Gray Divorce”
“The ‘menodivorce’ is on the rise,” says USA Today.
“Though divorce rates overall are dropping, divorce among adults 50 and older is increasing. In 1990, almost 1 in 10 of all divorces in the United States were among adults 50 and older. By 2019, that percentage had grown to almost 1 in 4, according to a study by Bowling Green State University’s National Center for Family and Marriage Research. That coincides with a time most women go through perimenopause and menopause.”
Divorce rates are notoriously challenging to measure, and the data models are very complex. But despite an oft-quoted statistic that about half of all marriages end in divorce, the reality is far more nuanced.
Bowling Green’s 2022 analysis, which looked at data from 1990 – 2021 (based on U.S. Vital Statistics Reports from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and American Community Survey data from the U.S. Census Bureau), found that during that period, divorce rates dropped for people under 45, but doubled for those over 45. By 2010, 27% of all divorces were occurring among people 50 and older: so-called “gray divorce”.
In 2022, a survey by the UK-based Family Law Menopause Project and Newsom Health Research and Education found that “Seven in 10 women blame perimenopause or menopause for the breakdown of their marriage,” USA Today reported.
“With the onset of perimenopause in the mid-40s and average age of menopause at 51, there is a clear association with the peak time of divorce between ages 45 and 55, where many women are divorcing at a time when menopause or peri-menopause is an issue,” the study’s authors said. “While menopause symptoms will vary, 1 in 4 women will experience severe debilitating symptoms, while over 60% of women will experience symptoms resulting in behaviour changes.”
The menopausal transition can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, its physical symptoms and emotional stresses may put significant strain on a marriage — even a marriage you very much want to save.
On the flip side, some women find that menopause, however difficult, is a time of reckoning — recognizing what was already wrong or unsatisfying in their relationship. Women who have been doing the lion’s share of mental and emotional heavy lifting in their marriages may find they have less bandwidth and tolerance during perimenopause and menopause.
“More women today are recognizing its symptoms and saying it can bring clarity: Their patience is gone, and they are finally prioritizing their own needs. And often that means no longer wanting to be married,” says USA Today.
Earlier this year, when Oprah Daily “teamed up” with ob-gyn and certified menopause practitioner Mary Claire Haver, MD, to ask women, “Do you believe that menopause caused the breakdown of your marriage?”, the response was overwhelming.
“Hundreds of women shared stories of how menopause strained or even upended their marriages. Sometimes, the beginning of the change marked the end of the relationship; other times, HRT, therapy, or functional medicine saved it. Some couples came out the other side stronger than before, and one woman’s menopause journey culminated in her feeling “as alive and vibrant as a teenager”—who quite emphatically did not want to be married.”
The experienced and caring family law attorneys at SFLG understand that many factors – including midlife changes and menopause – influence marital satisfaction and the difficult decision to leave. We’re here to help you navigate your dissolution as smoothly as possible so you can get on with your life.
By Debra Schoenberg
