Most of us have grown so accustomed to using various forms of artificial intelligence in daily life that we hardly think of it as AI anymore. Many common tools – text autocorrect, email “smart replies,” GPS maps, content suggestions in your social media feed, streaming platforms that list movies and music “just for you” or on “you might like” lists, the Face ID that opens your smartphone, and so much more – are just second nature to us now.
On platforms where we’re overtly interacting with chatbots and AI assistants through large language models (LLMs) like ChatGPT or Claude, where the output is quick, easy, helpful, and conversational, it feels very normal to ask for help or advice.
Help me create an itinerary for my 5-day trip to Italy.
What can I make for dinner with chicken, spinach, and garbanzo beans?
What’s the best way to get red wine out of a white shirt?
The more we use it for mundane tasks – and receive information that not only streamlines the task at hand, but also feels knowledgeable, supportive, affirming, and remarkably human – the more reasonable it feels to ask it for advice in more serious matters – how to tell your boss you need to move on, how to talk to your young child about a scary world event.
So it makes sense that someone going through a divorce (a time when there are so many questions, big and small) wouldn’t think twice about asking AI for relevant information and guidance of many kinds – legal, financial, coparenting, and so on.
But it’s crucial to realize that AI is no substitute for an experienced attorney.
In fact, there are many reasons not to rely on – or even consult – a chatbot about your divorce process. Here are 7 of the most important:
- It makes stuff up. AI “hallucinates,” which means it can present flawed, misleading, or flat-out false information as if it were fact. LLMs generate text – answers to your queries – based on statistical predictions and data patterns, NOT verified facts. It sounds reasonable, correct, and confident, but it could be fabricated or completely wrong.
- It can skew your expectations. Consulting AI for legal advice, financial calculations, or custody frameworks can generate answers that are wrong, oversimplified, or that don’t apply to your case for one reason or another. This can set you up for disappointment, escalate disputes, complicate negotiations, and ultimately drag out your dissolution process.
- It’s not a lawyer. AI may draw on overly broad or unreliable sources, outdated laws, or improper jurisdictions. California family law is specific; applicable rules may differ from those in other states.
- It’s not human. You, your ex, and your children are people. Your divorce is unique, complex, emotionally charged, and deeply personal. AI cannot understand your relationship dynamics, values, or goals for your post-divorce family life. It lacks true insight, nuance, and the ability to reason or empathize.
- It’s not YOU. During divorce, when every issue is loaded, and every conversation feels like a powder keg, finding ways to maintain calm, effective, businesslike communication is key. While some people find that, in certain situations, AI can provide useful suggestions for saying things in a more neutral, less inflammatory way and for framing discussions more constructively, be very careful about how you use it in the context of your split. Remember that this person, whom you married, probably knows your “voice.” Presenting AI-generated text or arguments can sound impersonal, inauthentic, terse, or manipulative. AI is also notoriously sycophantic, tending to echo and reinforce your own point of view, ideas, and biases. It could increase tension and mistrust between you and your ex.
- AI can miss crucial details. When you’re sorting through the minutiae of your marital settlement agreement or parenting plan, the sheer number of logistics can be overwhelming. A skilled, experienced family law attorney understands the crucial elements AND all the unique factors in your case; they’re your advocate and strategist in finding workable, highly tailored solutions to complex problems.
- AI is not private – and that can hurt you. Your chat history on AI platforms can compromise your privacy in numerous ways. You and your spouse may still have shared devices or accounts where they can see what you’ve looked up. Your AI interactions are not necessarily gone just because you deleted them – for security, compliance, and model-training purposes, platforms may retain chat data for a period of time, and even share it with third-party vendors. Most importantly, your AI search history is not protected by attorney-client privilege; it can be subpoenaed. Sensitive personal or financial details, private thoughts or inquiries (such as asking AI a mental health question), strategy ideas, and more in your chat history can absolutely be exposed. Even things you ask AI just out of curiosity could be misinterpreted or misrepresented by the opposing party. In certain situations, such as where there is a history of domestic violence, using an AI platform could create genuine danger.
If you do use AI tools during divorce proceedings:
- NEVER enter confidential or personally identifying information, or any information about your children, into an AI platform
- NEVER feed a chatbot any private communications you’ve had with your lawyer, therapist, doctor, financial adviser, and so on.
- NEVER rely on AI legal or financial advice without verifying its source and accuracy.
- ALWAYS rewrite, in your own words, any AI-generated text.
- ALWAYS discuss any AI-sourced information with your attorney.
At SFLG, we’ve been helping clients navigate all aspects of family law for more than 40 years. We build relationships based on trust, integrity, and open communication. We represent you with real human knowledge, experience, and wisdom.
By Debra Schoenberg
