“Starter marriage” – the term seems to have first shown up as one of the stylized footnotes in Douglas Coupland’s 1991 novel Generation X. Then, a 1994 New York Times article by Deborah Schupack explored its meaning.
In ‘Starter’ Marriages: So Early, So Brief, Schupack loosely defines them as “brief, early marriages that end in divorce by age 30, with no children and little joint property. While these young couples don’t marry intending to divorce, she says, she likens their unions to “the starter home of a generation ago, shed as the family outgrew it.”
“No statistics are kept on such marriages,” Schupack explained, “but according to the Census Bureau, in 1992 there were 1.3 million divorces among people aged 25 to 29, up from 253,000 in 1962.” She also points out that “brief, early marriages have been around as long as divorce has, although they are often overlooked in studies.”
At the time, according to Schupack, marriage and family experts from diverse disciplines were examining the phenomenon – some concluding that more premarital counseling and seriousness about the marital institution was needed, and others arguing that society should ease up the legal and social burden, and stigma, of this type of divorce, in which, at least legally speaking, not that much is at stake.
Some key takeaways included:
- Recognizing that people in their 20s are still evolving, discovering their own identity, and couples may outgrow each other.
- Many young people discovered that getting married was easy, but getting divorced was incredibly hard – legally, logistically, and emotionally.
- Co-habitation was on the rise, but research showed, didn’t reduce early divorce – in fact, divorce was higher among those who lived together first, suggesting that a trial run didn’t solve it.
- As a society, we didn’t really have a framework for talking about these issues.
Fast forward 32 years.
Divorce among younger people has declined sharply (while “gray divorce” is on the rise). Data from the National Center for Family & Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University shows that between 1990 and 2023, the divorce rate decreased for both women and men aged 15-44, with the greatest decrease among those aged 15 to 24, while increasing among those aged 45 and older.
According to the Pew Research Center, in 2023, 16% of divorces occurred within the first five years of marriage, while 22% occurred in marriages that had lasted 25 years or longer.
Are starter marriages really a thing of the past? Are younger generations more committed? Have they resolved the issues that led to rapid breakdowns among young spouses?
The big picture is more complex.
A recent survey by popular wedding planning platform The Knot examined the marriage mindset of Gen Z and young Millennials. The poll found that GenZers (ages 14-29 in 2026) – the majority of whom haven’t yet reached peak marrying age – are “currently focused on other life priorities.” While 58% look forward to getting married someday, they view it less as a key societal institution or obligatory milestone, and feel that it’s more about “choosing and committing to their partner on their own terms.”
Gen Z’s list of “must-haves” before marriage included:
- Mental health and emotional security – 63%
- Financial independence – 54%
- Building long-term stability – 59%
- Having some savings in place / paying off debt – 39%
- Living with their partner – 48%
It’s an oft-quoted factoid that Millennials have the lowest divorce rate in generations. Several analyses, including by the World Economic Forum, have indeed found that Millennials are less likely to divorce when compared to their Gen X or Boomer counterparts at comparable ages.
But, importantly, as Pew Research Center has pointed out, Millennials are significantly less likely to be married – and married young – than previous generations. According to Pew’s analysis of census data, in 2010 about 22% of Millennials ages 18–29 were married, compared with about 29% of Gen Xers of the same age in 1997. (The marriage rate for the same age group was much higher for Baby Boomers and the Silent Generation.)
Overall, the average age at first marriage has risen by about 8 years since 1950 — from 20.3 to 28.6 for women and from 22.8 to 30.2 for men.
Marrying later correlates with more stable marriages for numerous reasons, from greater maturity to better partner selection (more careful and informed, less outside pressures) to more realistic expectations of marriage.
But age isn’t the only factor. “Over time, the married population has shifted toward adults with higher levels of education…. Adults with more education are less likely to divorce, and these shifts have driven down the divorce rate.” Among Millennials, it’s those with at least a Bachelor’s degree who are most likely to be married (50%), according to Pew. Gen Zers also seem to be focused on finishing their education before tying the knot.
Researchers say that these later, more durable marriages, which tend to follow longer non-married relationship periods and more cohabitation, may be replacing the so-called starter marriage; in other words, the factors that cause a marriage to fail quickly are being filtered out before marriage.
In 2023, examining Pew Research’s analysis of census data, Professor Philip Cohen from the University of Maryland wrote, “The U.S. is progressing toward a system in which marriage is rarer, and more stable, than it was in the past.”
Then again, in “Why Marriage, for So Many, Is Less Appealing Than Ever”, published this March in the New York Times, Tammy LaGorce paints a complicated picture of our modern attitudes toward marriage. Many people she interviewed, including both researchers and regular young-ish adults navigating life and relationships, talked about disillusionment with the notion of marriage – impossible expectations, gender disparities (more pressure to marry for women), dating exhaustion – and accepting, even welcoming, the single life, or long-term partnerships without the paperwork. Some start cohabitating, thinking they’ll eventually marry, but never get around to it.
Still, Dr. Wendy Manning of the National Center for Family and Marriage Research told the Times she doesn’t believe there’s a cultural movement against marriage. “I think we value marriage so much that we want to wait until we’re really set,” she added. “We want to make sure we have all the right resources in place before we begin.”
Whenever you decide to wed, careful planning helps you build a secure partnership. At SFLG, we believe a prenuptial agreement is a wise move for any couple. It can help you communicate clearly, align your values and goals, and build stability and trust. If you’re starting your marriage journey, talk to us.
by Debra Schoenberg
