5 FAQs: Should You Meet with a Divorce Lawyer Early?
Your marriage and family mean the world to you.
Even though you and your spouse are struggling and you often wonder if you can make it as a couple, you’re reluctant to make any big moves. The idea of an actual divorce is very daunting. You have so many questions about the process and what it would mean, in real terms, for your life and your family’s future. Maybe you’re in counseling, hoping to save the relationship. Maybe you’d really like some legal advice, but you’re afraid of getting the ball rolling before you’re sure.
We understand.
My team and I have been helping clients navigate these issues for decades. We know how hard it is, how confusing it can all feel, how afraid you are of making the wrong choice. From our very first meeting, you can trust us to communicate openly, honestly, and thoroughly; to answer your questions, tailor our advice to your unique situation, and prioritize the well-being of your family no matter how you choose to proceed.
How do I know if it’s time to meet with an attorney?
First, remember that it’s rare for a marriage to be smooth sailing all the time. As we all know, relationships are hard. Even very solid marriages go through bumpy periods – times when you’re not connecting deeply, you get on each other’s nerves and bicker, you don’t communicate well, little annoyances build up, molehills become mountains… something is just off. Other times, external stressors cause trouble – tough financial times, or strained relations with the in-laws.
The point is, not every rough patch is a sign your marriage is over – but if you find yourself thinking about divorce a lot, that’s a fairly strong indication that the relationship has legitimate problems.
In some cases, with good communication and commitment from both of you, you can work through it successfully. You may need help from a professional counselor or therapist. (No matter what ultimately happens, it will be helpful to know that you gave it your best, did everything you reasonably could to make the marriage work.)
But certain symptoms – such as a serious lack of trust and respect, a pattern of infidelity, total communication breakdown, persistent lack of resolution on major issues, misaligned values and goals, or the sense that your heart just isn’t in it anymore – may signal that your marriage is beyond saving, and, realistically, divorce is already on the horizon. (Of course, if you’re in an abusive or violent situation, do not wait! Make a safety plan and leave immediately.)
The good news is, you don’t have to be certain you want a divorce to seek legal advice. Meeting with a lawyer doesn’t obligate you to hire them or to file. It’s simply a wise early step to take when you’re considering your options and need more information to make the best decisions for your family.
What are the benefits of talking to a lawyer if I’m not sure I want to go through with filing?
A consultation with a divorce lawyer is an opportunity to understand your rights and options, and the relevant laws that will impact your case should you decide to move ahead with divorce. It’s also a chance to learn about key timelines and how to avoid common pitfalls and costly mistakes.
Various interrelated laws from the California Family Code – for example, Community Property and the official Date of Separation – will affect your case in crucial ways. Timing plays a critical role, and understanding how these laws work is essential.
The preparations you make before filing – from gathering financial documentation, to collecting important child custody-related evidence, to adjusting your electronic communication and social media behaviors – can have a significant impact on outcomes in divorce. And if you decide to move ahead with a dissolution, being first to file creates certain strategic advantages.
Meeting with an attorney (or several) can also help you decide what qualities you’re looking for in a lawyer if you decide to divorce in the future.
Anything you talk about in your consultation falls under attorney-client privilege, which means it’s private whether you hire the lawyer or not.
Knowing what to expect from the beginning reduces uncertainty, builds confidence, and helps you make informed decisions, giving you more control over outcomes and providing a sense of calm during what can be a very painful and overwhelming process.
What will we cover in an initial meeting?
An experienced California divorce attorney can talk you through the main issues involved in your dissolution: asset division, child custody and child support, and spousal support (often called alimony). A lawyer can help you get a sense of what the divorce process and timeline look like, and explain things like the residency requirements and waiting period, as well as any local court factors that may impact your case.
You can ask questions freely and share even sensitive details about your situation (e.g., prenup, complex assets, infidelity) knowing that all information remains confidential – including from your spouse – whatever you decide to do.
How should I prepare for my first meeting?
Make some notes on why you’re thinking about divorce. California is a no-fault state, so neither spouse needs to prove wrongdoing – but List concerns, fears, and all your questions – even “silly” ones are welcome. Start thinking about your priorities, goals, and needs in the event you decide to end the marriage – what’s most important to you when you envision your life and family after a split? All these things can help an attorney tailor their advice.
Bring along:
- A list of important dates including when you were married and if there were any prior separations
- A general list of assets and debts (things you own as a married couple and things you each brought to the marriage)
- Notes on your monthly expenses and household income
- Recent pay stubs and tax documents (for both spouses) if you can access them
- Any existing prenuptial or postnuptial agreements
- Basic family info: ages of children, major schedule/logistical factors
What will it cost?
Most California divorce attorneys charge a fee for an initial consultation, where you can discuss your situation, the legal process, and the firm’s fee structure. While the total cost of a divorce depends on factors such as the complexity of your case and the level of conflict, Schoenberg Family Law Group is committed to finding practical, cost-effective solutions whenever possible. Clients pay an initial retainer based on the complexity of their case, receive detailed monthly billing statements, and any unused retainer funds are refunded when the matter concludes.
