In the modern media environment, celebrity divorces have become fodder for our “feeds” — whether the couple chooses respectful, loving joint statements and a lot of positive spin, or airs every dirty laundry detail of their dispute, it’s all in public view.
Over the last few weeks, the seemingly sudden divorce of Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban has been making headlines.
When a famous and much-loved couple — in this case, both partners are known for long, illustrious creative careers — calls it quits after almost two decades, the public is naturally curious about what went wrong.
Kidman is an actress with a four-decade career, an Oscar, six Golden Globes, two primetime Emmys, a BAFTA, and more; Urban is a country music superstar, a singer-songwriter and guitarist with 15 Academy of Country Music Awards and four Grammys. Together, they could hardly have more accolades or a bigger fan base.
They’ve gone through their share of well-publicized troubles, including Urban’s past struggles with substances and sobriety. But they were married 19 years, raised two daughters together (Sunday Rose, 17, and Faith Margaret, 14), they’ve performed together, and projected much love and happiness until recently.
But on September 30, a day after their separation was first reported, Kidman filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences. Sources say the couple had been living quietly apart for months, and that Kidman “didn’t want this. She has been fighting to save the marriage.”
In somewhat roundabout remarks, Kidman herself has referred to being “devastated” and feeling “broken,” but also to having enough life experience to know she will move forward and heal with time.
Without a lot of fanfare and flowery statements (or vitriol), it quickly became clear that the couple had agreed in advance on all terms of the divorce, including:
- Division of their enormous wealth (Kidman’s net worth is reported at $250M and Urban’s at $75M)
- Child support (unusually, it’s been reported that Urban has prepaid his share)
- Custody arrangements for their two daughters
While the division of such staggering assets may not be a familiar experience, custody decisions are a challenge faced by all divorcing parents, a great leveler.
It’s evident that in creating a parenting plan, Kidman and Urban focused on maintaining stability for their kids and shielding their daughters from conflict.
Court documents obtained by People show that the famous exes not only outlined a detailed, logistical parenting plan but also committed to a cooperative, positive approach to co-parenting.
Kidman will be the primary residential parent, with the vast majority of physical custody — 306 days per year with her daughters to Urban’s 59 days — but they’ve agreed to share in major decisions (for example, education and extracurricular activities, religious upbringing, and non-emergency medical care). If there’s a significant disagreement, Kidman gets the final call.
In the filing, the former spouses expressly committed to “encourage each child to continue to love the other parent and be comfortable in both families.” They’ve also agreed not to speak negatively of one another (or each other’s family) in front of their children. Both parents are mandated to “attend a parenting seminar within 60 days of the divorce filing,” People reported.
They’ve completed a detailed holiday and vacation schedule. A few examples, according to People:
- Urban has the kids every Father’s Day, while Kidman always has them for Mother’s Day and Easter.
- The co-parents will alternate Christmas Days: Kidman has odd years and Urban even.
- Over summer vacation, they’ll follow the regular school-year schedule, but each parent will get two non-consecutive full (7-day) weeks.
Divorce is among the most difficult experiences a person can face. Custody decisions, in particular, are deeply personal, sensitive, and consequential. When parents divorce, their marriage is over, but family life continues one way or another. Whether the split is amicable and cooperative or spiteful and contentious, it affects your family dynamic far into the future.
Creating a marital settlement agreement, and especially a parenting plan, is an opportunity for you to actively shape the best arrangements for your family in its new form. Deciding to set aside your differences and work together calmly and collaboratively, even through the pain, typically benefits everyone over both the short and long term.
And when it comes to how divorce is portrayed in the media — and how we consume it — somewhere between unrealistic positivity and all-out wars, there’s simply focusing on what went right and what we can learn from it.
The veteran family attorneys at SFLG have been helping people navigate divorce for over 40 years.
By Debra Schoenberg
