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Can Divorce Make You a Better Parent?

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Ending a marriage is one of the hardest things you can go through. If you have children, there are additional layers of worry— does your split mean you’ve failed as parents? Irreparably harmed your kids? You may be afraid that you won’t know how to go it alone and manage single parenthood or co-parenting as a divorced couple.

Amidst your grief and pain, it’s natural to have these fears. It takes time to process it all.

But take heart. Although single parenting isn’t easy, many divorced moms and dads report that separation and raising kids solo made them better parents.

You’ve been through the worst—here are nine essential ways your split can impact your parenting for the better.

Peaceful Parenting

If your household during your marriage was a cold war or an active battleground, divorce might bring a measure of relief, allowing you to find greater peace and calm and parent from that place within yourself. Single parenting has many logistical and emotional challenges, but it can be easier than trying to do it while living with a spouse with whom you’re in constant conflict. When the initial storm subsides, people often report they’re less stressed and find a sense of relaxation, freedom, and reclaimed joy that positively impacts their kids.

Focus and Presence

Maybe your spouse was too demanding, expectations overwhelming, or you felt consumed by unhappiness—a troubled marriage can swallow up so much time, energy, and mental space that it’s difficult to give your children the focus you want to. As you settle into single-/co-parenting, you may find you have more significant resources of attention and presence to devote to your kids and that your emotional reserves become replenished.

More Conscious Parenting

Divorce can promote more conscious parenting in numerous ways.

  • The turmoil of a family splitting up means you need to concentrate on your kids’ mental health. There’s no simple fix for grief, and you can’t rush it, but you can be there for them, hold space for the range and stages of their feelings, and offer crucial support.
  • Important choices about your children’s upbringing—education, religion, healthcare—that may have been put off or left to default demand conscious attention and clarity in a custody agreement and co-parenting arrangement. You’re forced to zero in on your values and resolve issues.
  • Shared custody can make you more aware of the preciousness of every moment you have with your kids; more tuned in, mindful, productive, and joyful in the time you spend together.

Resilience

Children benefit from watching how parents process disappointment and heartache and face unexpected change with resilience. You’re demonstrating that people can move through hardship and complicated feelings, pick up the pieces, rebuild, and thrive.

Self-Sufficiency

Many single parents say they never really knew how strong they were—in practical ways and psychological ones—and what they could manage on their own until their divorce. These successes can empower you with more confidence in yourself and your parenting abilities.

Shared Responsibility

Even when you’re knocking it out of the park as a single parent, it’s nearly impossible to do it all on your own. You may find these new circumstances are an opportunity to teach your children to be team players and take an active role in managing home and family life. Things run more smoothly when everyone pitches in. And it’s never too early—studies show that involving toddlers and young children in household chores not only teaches responsibility and vital life skills but improves their wellbeing into adulthood.

Money Matters

Observing how you navigate the financial challenges of divorce and separate households can teach important lessons about managing money, budgeting priorities, and the value of work.

Self-Care

Whether it’s exercise, meditation, reading for pleasure, journaling, a relaxing bath, eating right, getting enough sleep, getting outdoors or hanging out with friends, self-care is essential in challenging times (and always) and in keeping your batteries charged as a single parent. Model this vital practice for your children.

Life Skills

There are countless skills learned or honed through a divorce that serve you well in parenting and set good examples for your children: cooperation, compromise, diplomacy, working through things respectfully, setting boundaries, choosing battles, making difficult choices and aligning your life with your values.

You will get through this and come out stronger—the best parent you can be.

The family law experts at SFLG can guide you through the challenges of divorce and custody issues. Custody, visitation, and child support require the knowledgeable, compassionate, and responsive representation Schoenberg Family Law Group, P.C., provides.

Our Awards and Memberships

Schoenberg Family Law Group, P.C., recognizes that family law matters involve complex, sensitive issues that can have a lasting impact on you, your family, your finances and your future.

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10.0 Avvo Superb Top Attorney Family Law, Divorce
Los Angeles and San Francisco Daily Journal
American Jurist Institute Top 10 Attorneys 2017
100 TOP WOMEN-OWNED BUSINESSES Women Who Lead
AMERICAN ACADEMY OF MATRIMONIAL LAWYERS (AAML)
2022 Client Satisfaction American Institute of Family Law Attorneys 10 Best
100 Fastest-Growing Private Companies In the Bay Area San Francisco Business Times
2021 LGBTQ-OWNED BUSINESSES Business Pride
10 Best Female Attorneys 2017 American Institute of Family Law Attorneys
San Francisco Bay Area's Best and Brightest Companies to Work For Winner 2021
2018 Best Lawyers Best Law Firms U.S. News & World Report
California Board of Legal Specialization (CBLS) State Bar of California
2020 Client Champion Debra R. Schoenberg
San Francisco Business Times Corporate Philanthropy Awards 2019
Expertise Best Divorce Lawyers in Concord 2020
2018 Expertise Best Divorce Lawyers in San Francisco
Fast 100
Lead Counsel Rated
Litigation Counsel of America (LCA) Fellow
National Board of Trial Advocacy
2017 Parents' Press Best of The Bay
San Francisco Business Times
Rated By Super Lawyers Debra R. Schoenberg
The Business of Pride
2021 Best Businesses Three Best Rated
San Francisco Business Times Corporate Philanthropy Awards & Summit
American Jurist Institute Top 10 Attorneys of 2018
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