According to recent data from Evite, in 2023, invitations to divorce parties reached an “all-time high.”
We tend to associate divorce with profound sorrow and loss, devastation, sometimes even guilt or shame—but that’s not always the case. For some people, getting out of an unhealthy, destructive marriage or leaving a toxic spouse who treated them badly can be very liberating and empowering.
It’s also true these scenarios are not mutually exclusive—sometimes the difficult and painful parts of the end of a marriage co-exist with relief and freedom, a sense that you made the right decision and had the courage to do the hard thing, pride in having survived and made it to the other side of an incredibly tough time.
Divorce is a major life event, a huge shift that affects every area of life. We have ceremonies and celebrations to recognize many of life’s other important transitions and milestones—birthdays, graduations, retirements, and, of course, weddings and anniversaries. Is it important and healthy to acknowledge the end of a marriage as well as the beginning?
In some cases, party isn’t exactly the right word. Some divorcees host a gathering to perform a cathartic act, such as burning a wedding dress, marriage certificate, or wedding photo. Christine Gallagher, a therapist and former events planner who has helmed around 300 divorce parties and authored “The Divorce Party Handbook,” advises choosing a meaningful, transformative ritual to center the event.
Others, however, just want to celebrate a new beginning, a fresh start, the next chapter—any mention of the actual divorce or ex may be intentionally left out. Some newly single people are simply looking for a way to put a positive spin on a difficult change, or they want to surround themselves with friends and loved ones as a reminder, during what can be a very lonely time, that they have an amazing support network, a loving community.
Any of these versions of a divorce party may be therapeutic.
On amicable terms, some exes even give a divorce party together; they may opt for a more somber undoing of their marriage ceremony or an upbeat affirmation of their past partnership and a commitment to remain friendly going forward. They may use the party to thank their mutual friends for their love and support and put them more at ease as they navigate the awkward new dynamics in the friendship.
The idea of the divorce party has gained popularity as the stigma surrounding divorce has declined. Social media has positives and negatives (and it can be dangerous during the divorce process), but it has certainly helped bring divorce out of the shadows. Celebrities, influencers, and “regular” people alike now feel free to share their decision to divorce on various social platforms, and they frequently do their best to give it a positive spin—they issue joint statements touting their mutual respect and love and honoring what they shared as a couple. In taking charge of the narrative surrounding their split, they appear to gain a sense of empowerment, making divorce seem not only survivable but normal, no longer a taboo you need to be ashamed of or secretive about.
Likewise, with divorce parties. Evite’s party data analyst Olivia Pollock told CNBC, “The trend highlights a shift towards using celebrations to transform life transitions into positive experiences.”
Notably, Evite’s data also revealed that it’s primarily women who throw divorce parties. Why? Beth Levine, who threw a party for 30 friends just two weeks after filing for divorce from a lying, cheating spouse, believes women are more likely to feel the pressure of societal expectations, causing them to enter—and feel trapped in—unhealthy marriages. Although it was hard to leave her marriage, Levine told CNBC, it was also very freeing, and she wanted to celebrate her bravery.
If you think a divorce party might be right for you—something to help you recognize this crucial moment, heal, and move on—there are still some important considerations. Some people in your life may feel that throwing a boozy blowout to celebrate the end of a marriage is sad or distasteful; whether or not that’s a misunderstanding, you may want to consider the event’s tone and whom you invite.
If you have children, remember that your emotional needs and theirs may be very different right now. Most experts advise that children should not be involved in this celebration. Consider the message they’ll receive from the type of event you host, and be mindful of what they hear and what shows up on social media. Remember, too, that if your party is hurtful to your ex, it could damage your co-parenting relationship. Be especially careful about incriminating evidence if you’re still involved in the legal processes surrounding divorce and custody.
The caring and experienced family lawyers at SFLG are here to help you navigate every aspect of the divorce process as smoothly and successfully as possible so you can move on to the next chapter.
By Debra Schoenberg
