It’s November – a time focused on Thanksgiving, and the kickoff to the whole festive, frenetic holiday season. It’s a period that can be especially tough to navigate during and after divorce.
Here are 13 tips for surviving the holidays after divorce from the experts and families who have made it through.
- It can be a lonely time, but know that you’re not alone. Last year, there were close to a million divorces in the United States. About 75% of those splits involved couples with children. Many families are going through what you’re going through.
- Go easy on yourself. Release the pressure to have the perfect holiday. You may not feel merry and bright right now, and that’s okay. Set realistic expectations. The festive season can prompt a fresh wave of grief, loneliness, anger, resentment, regret, and nostalgia — that’s normal. It’s essential to acknowledge and express your emotions. When you need extra support, talk to someone you trust—such as a friend, family member, counselor, or clergy member.
- Give yourself some breathing room… Some activities or gatherings may be too hard right now, and that’s okay. Be honest about your needs and limitations. You can say no, let some things go. Don’t force yourself to press on as if everything is normal. Know that you can’t please everyone.
- …Then again, don’t be a hermit. The colder weather and shorter days can make you want to hole up. Remember that it’s essential to get out and spend time with others, even in small doses.
- Put some plans (and a few plan B’s) in the calendar. Be intentional about your holiday schedule. Think about what makes you feel happy, supported, and festive. Plan ahead with family and friends, and also create backup plans. Make space for alone time and self-care — but avoid isolating yourself.
- Get outside and get moving. Studies have shown that exercise improves mental health, and outdoor exercise in particular is linked to better mood and reduced stress.
- Lay off the rum punch. It’s tempting to numb your feelings, but alcohol and substances usually make depression and anxiety worse.
- Stop scrolling. Social media isn’t real life. Don’t compare your complicated, human holiday season to someone else’s filtered highlight reel. Nobody posts their chaos.
- Put your children first. Prioritize stability, warmth, and positivity for your kids. Encourage them to enjoy time with both parents. Follow your parenting plan and communicate with your co-parent as calmly and cooperatively as possible. Never make your children feel like they have to choose sides.
- It’s not a competition. If possible, set some shared expectations around gifts and spending. Avoid one-upping, guilt-gifts, or trying to “win” the holiday. Focus on making memories that align with your values — not matching someone else’s budget or plans.
- It’s not the day that matters – it’s the togetherness. If the calendar date doesn’t line up this year, celebrate on a different day. Kids often love having “two holidays.” The meaning comes from connection, not the date.
- Make new traditions. The old traditions may feel tender right now. Keep the ones that bring joy and comfort, but also use this as a chance to create new, meaningful rituals with your kids — ones that feel authentic to where life is now.
- Gratitude for small graces. Practicing gratitude, even for tiny everyday moments, can improve emotional resilience, happiness, sleep, and overall well-being. Try writing down a few things each evening that made you feel thankful — a warm drink, a kind message, a child’s laugh. Small steps add up.
It’s challenging to feel grateful when your life is in upheaval, so it’s okay to start small. Even little daily actions can begin to reshape your mindset over time. Positive psychology research continues to show that gratitude can literally change your brain.
The skilled and caring attorneys at SFLG are experienced in all aspects of family law. We can help you navigate the complex divorce process as smoothly as possible. At the holidays and always, we wish you happiness and peace.
By Debra Schoenberg
