Maybe you recently divorced your first spouse after a long marriage. Or you’ve been single for a long time. Perhaps you were widowed.
In any case, you’re 50+ and in love again. You’re older and wiser but feeling young and excited, ready to tie the knot and get a fresh start with your new partner. Congrats—that’s wonderful!
And you’re not alone. More people are getting remarried later in life.
So-called “gray divorce” — when a couple ends their marriage after about age 50 — has gotten a lot of press in recent years. There’s been a dramatic uptick in splits among this demographic: the divorce rate for people over 65 tripled between 1990 and 2021. According to a 2021 report by the U.S. Census Department, almost 35% of divorces now involve couples aged 55 and older annually. There’s a boom in boomer divorce.
Many factors have likely contributed to this trend, including longer life expectancy, reduced stigma, women becoming more financially independent, and shifts in cultural attitudes and expectations for the golden years from previous generations.
More gray divorce has led to more “gray remarriage”. According to data from Bowling Green State University’s National Center for Family & Marriage Research, 28 percent of 45-—to 64-year-olds and 31 percent of people 65-plus are remarried.
No doubt, both could use some rebranding. Natural hair color notwithstanding, today’s 50—or 60-something bride or groom probably doesn’t think of themselves as elderly, and for those remarrying in their 70s and 80s, age is just a number.
Still, it’s important to recognize that remarrying in midlife and beyond brings its own particular challenges and special considerations. The issues to think about and deal with ahead of time are a little different than when you were younger and getting married for the first time. Everything from family dynamics to finances figures into this new union.
Here are six crucial steps to take if you’re remarrying after 50
Understand the financial implications. Review all existing financial contracts, orders, and arrangements to make sure you fully grasp how getting married will impact them. For example, according to California Family Code Section 4337, under most circumstances, spousal support terminates automatically when the receiving spouse remarries (cohabitation can also affect it); however, alimony does not automatically end when the payer remarries. Those with minor children may still be paying child support. For example, you may live in a home/property where your ex still has a financial interest. Further, social security rules are complex, and the timing of your remarriage can make a big difference. Remarriage can also have significant tax implications.
Plan carefully for health care. Health care is one of the most significant expenses for retirees, and it’s getting steeper. According to the 2024 Fidelity Retiree Health Care Cost Estimate, the average 65-year-old may need $165,000 in savings (after tax) to cover health care expenses — a nearly 5% increase from 2023. Individuals and couples should plan for costs related to medications, dental care, long-term care, and so forth. Medicare can help but will not cover everything.
Balance family priorities and financial loyalties. This is a somewhat delicate but very important consideration—and the dynamics are unique to each couple. You love your new spouse-to-be and want to build a comfortable life together and care for one another. However, you may also have grown children and grandchildren to consider when planning your financial plan. No matter how much you trust your spouse and family and how well they get along now—confusion, tension, and competing interests can arise, especially in the event of your death. “Review and update wills, trusts, and beneficiary designations to ensure they fully reflect how you’d like to provide for a spouse and any potential children, stepchildren, and grandchildren,” AARP advises.
Talk about it—all of it. Communication is key. Couples getting married at midlife and beyond should be transparent and open with each other about finances, assets, debts, investments, insurance policies, retirement plans, bank accounts, expectations, and goals as individuals and as a couple, intentions regarding inheritance issues, and so on. They should also actively discuss wills, estate planning, family dynamics, and more.
Consider a prenup. A prenuptial agreement can be a smart choice for any couple, but given the complexities of a gray remarriage, it may be especially important in your circumstances. You’re planning to spend the rest of your life together, and that’s fantastic; unfortunately, statistics show that 2nd and 3rd marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages. While it may seem unromantic to plan for the possibility of divorce before you even walk down the aisle, a prenup can be a practical way to balance the creation of a healthy marriage with a blueprint in case it doesn’t work out, including protection for your first family. Proactively sorting through the thorny financial issues inherent in remarriage can create clarity and help you build a strong partnership.
Work with the pros. Preparing to remarry as an older individual—with a history, a family, and complex finances—can be logistically and emotionally weighty. Don’t hesitate to seek professional guidance—an accountant, financial planner, estate attorney, therapist or marriage counselor, maybe even a mediator—can all be very useful in helping you work through the tricky issues of a later-in-life remarriage.
The veteran attorneys at SFLG are experienced in family law and can help you navigate issues related to gray remarriage or gray divorce.
By Debra Schoenberg
