In today’s media- and social media-saturated world, many of us think nothing of posting our daily lives in grids and threads and stories. We put it all out there in pictures, videos, and cute captions. It’s all content—our avocado toast and fitness rituals, our beach vacations, baby’s firsts, and kids’ 5th-grade graduations.
From celebrities and influencers to suburban moms and dads—who doesn’t love to share beautiful family moments, show our charming offspring being funny, smart, and adorable, or even to warmly gripe about the challenges of parenting and stresses of family life?
Sometimes the nature or quantity of what parents post (especially high-profile parents) raises eyebrows or concerns. Certainly, there are real questions about the wisdom and ethics of so much public exposure for our kids.
When you share children with an ex, it’s important to review your relationship with social media.
In a recent HuffPost article, contributor Emily Bond writes about the public disputes between some high-profile co-parents—including Elon Musk and musician Grimes, as well as Kim Kardashian and Ye—over what constitutes an inappropriate level of media exposure for their children.
Before Musk’s relationship with President Trump imploded, Musk’s 4-year-old son, X, was appearing regularly in global news with his father, even from the White House. Grimes has publicly pleaded with Musk to keep their children out of the spotlight and expressed frustration that there seems to be no legal protocol for handling this situation.
In March, Grimes wrote on X (formerly Twitter), “The state of my children’s lives being public is of grave concern to me, and I think about how to solve this every day. It’s insane to me that there’s no way to deal with this. I would hope there was some law that would allow a parent to veto small children from living public lives, but I don’t even trust the law to help me now if I tried to invoke it tbh.”
But, Bond says, these problems are not limited to celebrity couples.
“Custody and privacy can be complex issues for all parents, especially when one parent is ambivalent to their child’s exposure to the media while the other fights for their privacy….So what can the average parent do to keep their child’s life off the screens of millions, even if their coparent disagrees?”
Social Media, Custody, and Co-Parenting
Whether you’re currently navigating a custody dispute or you’re already divorced with a parenting plan in place, social media behavior can be a thorny issue.
Today, social media and online life are inevitable factors in family law matters. Remember that in all custody-related decisions, the court must prioritize the child’s best interests. During divorce proceedings, lawyers and judges commonly examine social media accounts for insights into the lives and parenting styles of both parties.
If you are active on social media and involved in a custody dispute, your digital footprint is delicate territory. On the one hand, posts that reflect a warm, engaged family life can be a testimony to your values, strong character, and healthy (co)parenting.
On the other hand, social media can be a minefield. Many types of posts can be used (even misinterpreted or manipulated) to harm your character and credibility, to call your judgment, and even your parental fitness into question. (Angry rants, negative comments about your ex, pictures of you partying, “TMI” about your love life, anything that suggests substance abuse or criminal behavior—can all be used against you.)
But it’s important to understand that even seemingly harmless, positive content involving your children can backfire or become divisive. If you and your ex disagree over privacy boundaries on social media, even posting a video of your child’s Little League home run or bragging about their academic achievements may be viewed as inappropriate or overexposure.
For a parent who feels very strongly about protecting their children’s privacy, it can be very frustrating to have an ex who routinely violates what you consider to be good digital boundaries—and to feel like you have no recourse.
The law is still catching up with the social media explosion and its impact on families. Unfortunately, at this time, no California law specifically addresses this issue. So, what can you do if you believe your ex is over-exposing your children on social media?
Speak up and document your disagreement. Ideally, if you’re able to interact directly with your ex, start with open communication about your concerns. Calmly, rationally explain why you believe the posts are problematic and ask for specific actions (delete the posts, adjust privacy settings, refrain from future posts, and so on).
Understand the terms of your parenting plan. Custody and visitation orders establish physical custody (who the child lives with most of the time) and legal custody (who has the right to make major decisions about the child’s upbringing). In California, your parenting plan includes custody and visitation terms, and also details how co-parents share rights and responsibilities.
Within the guidelines of the parenting plan, each parent is in charge during their parenting time and has the right to parent as they see fit. Between co-parents, there are often some stylistic differences, such as what the kids eat and how much TV they watch, among other things. Social media generally falls into this category.
Unless you can demonstrate that your co-parent’s social media activities are causing your children actual harm, posting about their time with the kids is typically within your co-parent’s rights.
Advocate for your child’s privacy and safety. If you believe that your co-parent is putting your child in genuine danger by exposing personal details or too much information about their activities and whereabouts, you can pursue a court order. It will be up to an individual judge to decide whether there should be restrictions in a particular case, and what those should be.
If you and your ex are experiencing serious conflict regarding your online life, consider consulting an attorney. The experienced and caring attorneys at SFLG are skilled at negotiating complex areas of family law. We are committed to protecting children’s best interests while defending parental rights.
By Debra Schoenberg
