When you’re going through a divorce and you have a family, matters concerning your children are, almost inevitably, the hardest, most heart-wrenching questions you’ll face: where they’ll live, how much time you’ll each spend with them, and who will make important decisions about their upbringing.
You may have heard that California courts favor joint custody, and you’re wondering what that means exactly, how these decisions are made and why, how on earth you and your ex can get along well enough to make it work – and will it really be best for your children?
First, let’s review some basics you need to know about custody in California:
- The court must always prioritize the best interests of the child – a standard that assesses many factors related to their physical and mental health, safety, stability, and overall well-being.
- California divides custody into two categories: physical (who the child lives with and how parenting time is divided) and legal (who has the right to make major decisions). Both forms of custody can be joint (shared between both parents) or sole (awarded to one parent).
- The law does not automatically give preference to one parent based on gender (mother/father)
- California Family Code § 3080 creates a rebuttable presumption that joint custody is in the child’s best interest (however, parenting time may not be shared 50/50). Typically, unless there are unusual circumstances (particularly a history of abuse, domestic violence, or severe neglect), the law prioritizes maintaining the child’s ongoing relationship with both parents, encouraging consistent time and meaningful involvement.
In practice, this means that despite your differences, you and your ex will most likely continue to co-parent in one form or another. You’ll have many case-specific logistics and legal details to work out, but you will probably share decision-making and significant portions of parenting time.
Best case scenario, you’re on reasonably amicable terms, feel positive about joint custody, and are ready to cooperate on a parenting plan. But, in some cases, the relationship between divorcing spouses is very strained. Right now, you may have negative feelings about your ex, as a spouse and even as a parent. It can be difficult to see how raising your child together is even possible – let alone the best path for your family.
The Research on Shared Custody
In 2018, Dr. Linda Nielsen, a Wake Forest University professor and researcher, published the most comprehensive study to date analyzing outcomes of joint physical custody (JPC) compared to sole physical custody (SPC). (Note: for purposes of the study, joint physical custody was defined as living at least one third of the time with each parent. Nielsen’s review also controlled for variables such as family income and parental conflict level, factors which some researchers argue may have more impact than a custody arrangement itself and therefore skew results.)
Analyzing data from 60 prior studies, Nielsen made some surprising findings:
1. Better outcomes overall. Examining measures of well-being including academic achievement, emotional health, behavioral problems, physical health and stress-related illnesses, and relationships with parents, stepparents, and grandparents, Nielsen found that “Children in shared-parenting families had better outcomes than children in sole physical custody families.”
In well over half of the studies (34 out of 60), the JPC children had better outcomes across all measures of well-being than SPC children. In 14 of the studies, JPC children had better outcomes on some measures and equal outcomes on others. In six studies, kids had equal outcomes on all measures. And in six other studies, kids had worse outcomes on one measure but equal or better on all other measures.
2. Family ties. In 22 of 23 studies that analyzed family bonds, the JPC kids enjoyed closer relationships and communication with both parents.
3. Very young children, too. Infants and toddlers did not, as has sometimes been argued, have weaker bonds with either parent because of shared overnight parenting time.
4. About the parents. Interestingly, Nielsen found that most of the JPC parents initially opposed the arrangement, and they did not have better co-parenting relationships than the SPC families. Many JPC parents were quite distant, and the relationship was more like “parallel parenting.” Even so, the JPC kids had better outcomes. According to Nielsen, this suggests that JPC benefits aren’t limited to parents who get along well, have better co-parenting skills, coordinated households, and similar parenting styles.
5. Conflict isn’t a deal-breaker. Nielsen found that even where there was parental conflict, the strength of the child’s relationship with each parent seemed to “offset” the harmful effects of exposure to conflict. A child’s consistent, meaningful relationship with both parents predicted outcomes better than the level of conflict between parents. However, this doesn’t mean conflict is irrelevant or harmless. Research has consistently shown that exposure to ongoing conflict is more detrimental to children than divorce itself. But when it comes to custody, according to Nielsen’s findings, parental conflict, in and of itself, was not a reason to avoid JPC.
Shared Values, Shared Responsibility, Shared Success: Getting the Best Out of Joint Custody
While California courts prioritize joint custody, circumstances can make it unwise. You don’t have to be friends with your ex (or a perfect parent) to share custody successfully. The goal, in shared arrangements, is to give your child the benefits of a strong relationship with both parents. But here are 9 principles that influence the success of joint custody and help make it workable:
- No history of abuse, domestic violence, or serious neglect.
- Both parents are committed to staying actively involved in the child’s life and upbringing.
- Both parents are willing to support the other’s involvement and meaningful relationship with the child.
- There’s a clear, detailed parenting plan tailored to the family’s real life.
- Parents live geographically close to each other, and the schedule makes logistical sense.
- Parents communicate in a businesslike manner: calm, direct, cordial. They don’t put the child in the middle of adult conflict or make them a go-between.
- They center the child’s needs. Parents put their differences aside and collaborate for the child’s sake.
- Quality matters at least as much as quantity. A parent’s genuine involvement in the child’s day-to-day life
- Parents do their best to maintain relative consistency across households in terms of schedule, rules, and so on.
- They stay flexible. Your custody agreement (parenting plan), once signed by the judge, is a court order. You are legally bound to abide by it. That said, things happen; rigid plans meet real life. Someone has a work trip and needs to switch days; a kid gets sick and has to be picked up early from school. Willingness to help each other out in good faith, and be flexible within reason, will reduce tension and serve you well over the long term.
- They use tools (co-parenting/communication apps, shared calendars) to help smooth communication and logistics.
Shared custody, if that’s what is decided in your case, may not feel ideal to you – no one said co-parenting is easy. But remember that more than anything, you want the best for your child: stability, strong bonds, and growing up surrounded by love and support.
The experienced California child custody attorneys at SFLG are skilled in handling custody disputes and crafting highly customized parenting plans that protect your rights and help ensure your child has the security and strong relationships they need to thrive.
By Debra Schoenberg
