For better or for worse, social media platforms offer endless advice about pretty much everything: from health and beauty tips to stories about how people got through their divorces. Sometimes those two particular topics even intersect.
Late last month, USA Today ran a story about a viral TikTok trend: the Divorce Glow-Up.
According to the article, “women post images of themselves before and after their relationships end and call it a ‘divorce glow up.’ And experts say it ‘just might have some truth behind it.’”
“The look in my eyes tells the whole story,” wrote Michelle Calloway, a TikTok user whose divorce glow-up post, showcasing her glamorous post-split makeover, seems to have sparked many similar posts over the last year. In it, Calloway goes from looking sad, wearing sweats and glasses, to beaming in an elegant dress and makeup.
However, Calloway continues, “This wasn’t just a visual transformation it was an emotional, spiritual, and energetic healing process as well.”
A similar feature in Fast Company recently explained that among the various social channels, including TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube, this trend – also called the “divorce effect” – has already logged more than 28 million views, based on data from divorce.law.
Women, “mostly in their 20s and 30s…[share] their post-divorce physical transformations…into seemingly fitter, better dressed, and happier versions of their married selves.” Some include captions like “peace is the best anti-aging serum,” says Fast Company.
Annie Wright, a licensed marriage and family psychotherapist who consulted for the USA Today story, argues that divorce itself isn’t a beauty enhancer – but removing the stress of a toxic relationship can show in your face and body.
When cortisol (an essential stress hormone) is elevated long-term, Wright says, “the face and the body holds it,” and that can impact appearance.
Experts say excess cortisol can cause your face to look swollen or puffy, and you may put on weight around the middle. It can also result in skin issues such as oiliness, acne, or thinning.
Removing a chronic stressor – such as a failing relationship – Wright says, can lower cortisol, and those changes may show up in your appearance.
More Than Skin Deep
Wright says a “divorce glow up” is “what happens when a woman stops pouring her nervous system into managing someone else’s emotional state….The glow is really energy reclamation, the visible expression of an autonomic nervous system that finally got to rest.”
Belinda Bellet, Ph.D., a behavioral psychologist who spoke with Fast Company, concurs.
“A ‘divorce glow-up’ isn’t about vanity; it’s about nervous system regulation….Research shows that women in unhappy marriages experience severe, multi-dimensional depletion. When they leave those toxic environments, their bodies and minds finally exit survival mode….What looks like a superficial ‘glow-up’ is actually a profound biological and emotional metamorphosis,” she added. “It’s healing from the inside out.”
“Something is happening,” Wright said. “Women do often look, feel, and function better…after leaving a depleting marriage. But again, it’s not about the divorce. I think it’s about the nervous system.”
It’s worth noting that some medical experts, including UCI Health endocrinologist Dr. Mehboob Hussain, are skeptical of the recent Internet fervor connecting common life stresses with “cortisol face” and other effects.
And Wright points out that the women posting post-divorce glow-ups are often making other positive changes as well – taking better care of themselves, exercising more, eating healthier, and other factors that can improve overall well-being, such as starting a new job.
She also emphasizes that not all women who get divorced find that it magically fixes everything – their happiness, health, outlook, life, and looks – especially if they haven’t addressed “inner chaos” or the “root cause of their distress.”
The larger effect of the divorce effect
The glow-up trend seems to be part of a larger shift. As USA Today points out, societal perceptions and attitudes about divorce are changing, especially for women, who historically have shouldered disproportionate grief and shame around the end of a marriage. Social media has no doubt had a hand in changing the narrative – offering a platform to show how ending a bad relationship and starting over can be positive and empowering.
2 words of caution about these divorce glow-ups on social media:
- Be kind to yourself. If leaving an unstable, unhealthy, or unsustainable marriage is part of your healing journey – or the beginning of one – good. If it helps you rediscover yourself, if you feel better, happier, healthier, stronger, freer, more at peace, or even more attractive on the other side – good. But remember that social content is highly curated. Don’t let someone else’s depiction of their best post-divorce day make you feel bad during your process. Ending a marriage is incredibly hard. You’ll get through it – but you’re not failing if you don’t feel like a superhuman or a supermodel.
- Reality check. Some of the “inspiring” divorce glow-up content is flat-out fake. Even a brief search turned up AI-generated divorce effect “creators.” Don’t let unrealistic transformations make you feel worse about yourself when you’re already down.
Take good care of yourself during your divorce. Seeking the guidance of an experienced and caring family law attorney at SFLG can smooth and streamline the dissolution process, helping you achieve positive outcomes and feel calmer and more in control.
By Debra Schoenberg
