Trips with the kids are among the best parts of summer vacation. Whether you love a backpacking adventure, a thrilling theme park, visiting extended family, relaxing on the beach, or exploring another culture abroad, time spent together, away from the usual routine, is special and makes memories that last forever.
Of course, even under the best of circumstances, family travel involves a lot of planning, juggling, schlepping, troubleshooting, and, almost inevitably, some stressful moments. (Ask anyone who’s had a long flight delay on the way to Disney with a 6-year-old).
When you’re co-parenting, trips with the kids have an added layer of logistics and some delicate emotional dynamics to navigate. But with some extra preparation, good communication, and a bit of flexibility, you and your ex can both survive and enjoy those separate vacation times.
Here are eight tips to help co-parents have smooth summer trips with the kids
1. Review your parenting plan.
It’s very exciting to plan a trip — to think about the places you want to take your children, and all the wonderful things you’ll do and see together. But before you get carried away, refamiliarize yourself with the details of your custody agreement. Check for any specific guidelines about travel—have you established certain dates, schedules, or time splits for your summer vacation? Are there any requirements or restrictions regarding trips abroad? Remember that you are legally required to follow your court orders, even during vacation time. Note for newly separated parents: When creating your parenting plan, it’s wise to build in specific provisions and conditions for travel, especially longer, out-of-state, or international trips.
2. Start early.
Plan ahead, way ahead. Not only will it take time to get the logistics sorted out — plane tickets, hotel reservations, rental cars, passports, tickets for events and activities — you also need to build in time for communicating, organizing, and negotiating the details with your ex.
3. Communicate openly and respectfully.
It’s in everyone’s best interests for summer travel — and the planning — to be smooth, peaceful, enjoyable, and conflict-free. Make every effort to be forthcoming, helpful, and cordial as you prepare for your trip. Coordinate plans together with your ex and remember that, within the parameters of your agreement, a little flexibility (on both parts) will go a long way. If you’re willing to swap weekends so your ex can take the kids to grandma’s birthday party, they’ll be more likely to accommodate when it’s your turn. Important — never purchase tickets, confirm reservations, or tell your child about your exciting plans until you’ve cleared everything with your co-parent.
4. Gather your documents.
The TSA does not require children under 18 traveling domestically with a parent to show government-issued identification; however, each airline has its own identification requirements for minors. Check with your airline for their specific documentation requirements and recommendations for traveling with children. 18+ must carry their own official ID. When traveling internationally, every child needs a valid passport. Begin the passport application process well in advance. Carry a copy of your custody agreement, and if required in your orders, your co-parent’s written consent for travel.
5. Share the details.
Be proactive about keeping your ex in the loop. Share your detailed itinerary, flight numbers, hotel contact info, scheduled events, and so forth. Don’t make them remind you or press for information. Good-faith communication will help your co-parent feel more comfortable and simplify future trips.
6. Keep in touch.
Schedule times for the kids to chat on the phone or via video call with their other parent. Consider time zones and schedules to make sure it works for everyone. If you know you’ll be out of contact or range for a period (such as in a remote location with limited connectivity), let your co-parent know ahead of time so they won’t worry or get angry that you’re unreachable. Send updates via text or email, or mail postcards.
7. Focus on the kids’ needs.
Remember, especially if your children are young, that they may feel homesick sometimes. Bring a comfort item like a favorite toy, book, or blanket. Reassure them that they can talk to their other parent while they’re gone, then help them stay connected—they’ll likely want to share their excitement and talk about the trip. Consider giving your child a little spending money to choose a small souvenir for their other parent; help them send a postcard or take pictures to show.
8. When it’s not your turn…
It can be hard to let your kids go away with your ex. But it’s important to stay positive and be enthusiastic for your child. Actively support special times with the other parent. Don’t undercut the fun with negative comments or leading questions. While they’re away, give them space, respect their time with the other parent. Stick to scheduled contact times and try not to interrupt otherwise. Also, remember, it’s not a competition. An inexpensive camping trip at the lake can be every bit as full of fun, closeness, and great memories as a theme park extravaganza. Use the time on your own to do something special for yourself — relax, socialize, get outside, see friends.
The experienced and compassionate family law attorneys at SFLG can help you create a parenting plan that supports and streamlines vacation time, travel, and the many nuances of successful co-parenting.
by Debra Schoenberg
