Welcome Fall! (And happy football season to those who celebrate.)
The kids have been back in school for a few weeks now. They’re finding their groove in the homework and activities routine – and youth sports are well underway.
Sports parents, you know what this means.
Maybe your kid took the summer off from organized sports and just went to camp or had a part-time job. Maybe they continued on a team, but at least it wasn’t on top of school. But now, it’s full speed ahead till June – football, volleyball, soccer, basketball, wrestling, swimming, hockey, track, baseball, field hockey, tennis, golf, lacrosse…
And that’s just the school sports. Then there are the club and travel teams.
Sports are good for kids! Participation helps keep them fit, strong, and healthy; it teaches teamwork, goal-setting, and resilience. Sports help build grit and confidence; they boost self-esteem, executive function, concentration, and school performance; and they’re a great source of social growth and camaraderie.
And youth sports can also be great for parents. It can be so satisfying, such a bonding experience, to sit in the stands and proudly watch the child you’re raising together give it their all on the field or the court.
At the same time, parents of young athletes can start to feel mostly like chauffeurs and frazzled administrators, who are also broke.
Did we really reckon what we were getting ourselves into when we signed up our adorable preschooler for the local T-Ball team or PeeWee Soccer league?
Well, sports fans, consider these statistics (based on a 2025 report by Project Play),
Of the 50 million children ages 6-17 in the US, well over half (54.6% play organized sports (data from the National Children’s Health Survey).
Parents spend an average of almost 3.5 hours per day on sports on game/practice days
Altogether, American families spend $40 billion per year on youth sports – (that’s more than the NFL’s annual revenue)
Data from a recent parent survey conducted by the Aspen Institute, in partnership with Utah State University and Louisiana Tech University, shows that, in 2024, the average “sports family” in the US spent $1016 on their child’s primary sport – a 46% increase over 5 years. Plus another $475 for a second sport.
Unsurprisingly, in the Bay Area, the average price tag is higher: $1,901 for one kid’s main sport, plus $904 per child for a second sport – over $5600 annually for a family with two kids playing two sports each.
Those figures give context, but they’re just the financial costs.
What are the personal – and marital – costs of what we put into this ever-intensifying culture of kids’ sports?
The constant shuttling and tag-teaming, the meals scarfed down on the go, the scramble to finish homework and get to bed at a reasonable hour, the all-day weekend tournaments. This, on top of your career and other household/parenting responsibilities – not to mention trying to maintain a happy, connected, functioning marriage relationship.
In a 2022 article for Atlantic Monthly, Linda Flanagan, author of Take Back the Game, wrote:
“These days, middle-class families run ragged by their kids’ competitive-sports schedules are achingly common across America: Weekends are devoured by tournaments and practice, family dinners replaced by mandatory strength-training sessions, and vacations forever postponed.” For all the studies showing how good sports are for kids, Flanagan says, “comparatively little research exists on the costs of competitive youth sports participation to the unpaid support network that enables it—specifically, the young athletes’ families.”
One mom we spoke to described her family’s weekly schedule “like an arrivals/departures board at an airport.” On the other hand, she said, “We have a lot of fun and quality time together around the kids’ sports.”
Can your marriage survive youth sports?
Here are 4 ways your kids’ athletic commitments can put a strain on your marriage – and 4 “pro tips” for navigating it as a couple:
Cost. As mentioned, sports are expensive, and the cost keeps rising. Affluent parents may not balk at these numbers, but sports expenses can strain average-income families and be prohibitive for lower-income families. And it’s a burden that’s not just financial but emotional.
Conflict. Even when both parents agree that sports are good for their child and something they want to give them, it’s not uncommon for couples to be on different pages about how important it is. Conflict can arise over how much time and money you should spend; how competitive you are (one parent yells on the sidelines and argues with the ref; the other feels everyone should get playing time and a participation trophy) or how intensely you coach or push your kid in the sport. Parents may disagree over the larger reason or goal for playing.
Commitment. The schedule – especially if you have multiple kids, multiple sports, or both – can be overwhelming. And it’s not just the sports themselves, but the time pressure they add to other things – dinner, schoolwork, much-needed downtime.
Connection loss. Busy, exhausted parents may find that their relationship with each other – quality time, intimacy, the kind of daily check-ins that make you feel in tune – gets pushed to the proverbial sidelines, left in the dugout.
How to find some sanity around youth sports and ease the stress in your marriage
Communicate. Talk – and really try to hear the other person’s point of view. Talk about the reasons you each believe in youth sports. What are your expectations? Goals for your kids’ participation? What do you feel is your role as the parents of the young athlete? What are the boundaries around sports? How much is too much? When is it time to pull back? What are the non-negotiables, and what can you let go of / say no to during the season? Talk about your feelings vis-à-vis the logistics. Are sports overloading one of you more than the other? Can you find ways to balance better? Is one partner feeling emotionally neglected because of the other’s dedication to your child’s sport? Check in regularly about how it’s going.
Budget. Discuss how much you’re willing/able to spend on this. What can you afford without unreasonable financial stress? How much does it make sense to spend, in the big picture? What place does the sport hold in your child’s life? Are they an elite athlete, and is this a long-term investment (hoping for a coveted college scholarship, etc.)? (It’s worth noting that the odds of a high school athlete going on to play Division I sports are under 2%; becoming a pro athlete is less than 0.1%.) Or are they just playing for the fun, joy, and the documented benefits? (The best reason). How can you best align your values and your money in this arena?
Get some rest. Prioritize sleep – for parents and kids. No individual, no family, no couple functions well when they’re chronically depleted. Set a bedtime and stick to it.
Protect couple time. “Date night” might sound cliché (not to mention impossible), but you do have to be intentional about making time to connect. Can’t get out for a weekly dinner during soccer season? Ok. Schedule some mini-dates – a morning coffee, some private moments after the kids are in bed. Get away once in a while, just the two of you. Be sure that you invest some time in shared pursuits other than the kids’ sports – what’s something fun you like to do together?
At SFLG, we understand the pressures modern families face. We’re cheering you on. But if you’ve come to the difficult decision that it’s time to end your marriage, we’re here to help you navigate the next steps.
By Debra Schoenberg
