What if the person you divorced turned out to be the person you wanted to marry all over again? It may sound like an unlikely romantic twist, but for some couples, the end of a marriage wasn’t the end of their story. A recent Washington Post article chronicled three couples who divorced and later tied the knot again.
Brittany & Brian went through med school and the birth of two kids together. For a decade, the growing family moved frequently—sometimes together, sometimes separately —wherever their careers took them. She admits she was focused on her own ambitions; he says he was gentle but “spineless.” They divorced but eventually settled into separate homes in the same neighborhood, worked at the same hospital, and still behaved like a family in many ways. Spending time with their kids at the community pool, they started seeing each other in a new light, noticing how the other had grown and evolved, falling in love again, and finally remarrying. Still, they say the divorce was necessary to rediscover each other.
JoAnn & Jay married in 1965. She said from the start, she wanted him to make her laugh every day. But he traveled extensively for his corporate job, and when he came home, he just wanted to unwind quietly. She worked in advertising and was overwhelmed trying to manage job, home, and children alone. They divorced in 1972. Three years later, he asked her to pick him up from a medical procedure. Seeing him “woozy and swollen” in her passenger seat, she realized she couldn’t just drop him off — he’d been her love since they were teens and was the father of her child. Jay soon told her he’d taken a less demanding job. They remarried in 1976 and have been together ever since. Now, Jay, 79, is in home hospice care after years of suffering from Parkinson’s. He still makes her laugh.
Megan and Dylan were only married for three years, but it was a rough three years: a newborn, postpartum challenges, a pandemic, and “an instance of infidelity.” Megan took the baby and moved back in with her parents, a half hour away. She felt they’d become just “roommates,” rarely discussing anything but their son. Dylan says he “took the easy way out and cheated.” Megan spiraled into anxiety, tracking his truck, and fretting over what he was doing without her. Eventually, both entered individual therapy. In 2024, Dylan got a new job and moved closer. Gradually, coparenting evolved into something more. By Summer 2026, they’d moved back in together and were expecting a baby. When Megan mentioned insurance coverage would be easier if they were married, Dylan re-popped the question — they planned a whirlwind ceremony and wed a few days later.
Does it work to remarry your ex?
From the author’s perspective, most divorces are the right decision — difficult and painful, but ultimately a choice to pursue a happier, more peaceful, fulfilling life away from each other. Divorce, she says, is ultimately, “a rejection of sunk costs and complacency, a painful but radical act of optimism.”
So what made these couples different? Although their circumstances varied, each couple acknowledged that a lot of personal development took place before they came back together — and their stories reflect major lifestyle and priority shifts to accommodate the new marriage.
Remarrying the person you divorced is fairly rare. Hard numbers are hard to come by, but the WaPo article points to research showing that about 1 in 20 divorced couples reunite and remarry. “The ex-spouses move forward into the great unknown only to find … each other, all over again.” While the number of people who remarry a former spouse is low, some studies suggest that the success rate of second marriages to the same person is significantly higher than the success rate of second marriages generally (over 70% vs. only 33-40%)
Considering marrying your former spouse again? Here are 4 key tips from the experts.
- Don’t do it for the kids. Re-enter the relationship because you love each other, want to be a couple, and feel confident you’re ready. Jumping back in for the wrong reasons may expose the kids to more conflict in the long run. Also, vis-à-vis the kids, keep clear boundaries around your re-budding relationship until you’re sure it’s the real thing, so they don’t form unrealistic expectations.
- Go slow — and get to know each other now. Falling (back) in love can be intoxicating. When you realize you want to be together again, it’s easy to rush back into something that feels good and familiar, to romanticize the past, idealize the future, or assume it will all be better this time around. Hopefully, you’ve each grown and changed — and yet you’re still, in fundamental ways, who you were before. Take time to truly get to know each other again — and remember that there will still be ups and downs; things that annoyed you then will likely annoy you again. Are you willing to weather it? Experts advise waiting at least a year before making a big commitment.
- Focus on the future, but communicate honestly about the past. Your relationship didn’t work out the first time — even though, presumably, you loved each other. Have you recognized, acknowledged, and addressed what drove you apart? Admitted your part in the breakdown? Have you dug deep together to identify the roots of the reasons? Have you genuinely forgiven, let go of past pain, trauma, recurring conflicts, and resentment? You have to be willing to talk about the tough stuff — where did it go wrong the first time around? What are your goals, expectations, and fears as you move into a new relationship together? Are you aligned? Open communication deepens trust and connection.
- Get professional help. Working with a couples counselor (perhaps in addition to individual therapy) can help you gain clarity, get to the bottom of past—and potential future—problems, and prepare you for the challenges of navigating life together again with your ex. In addition, it’s wise to seek advice from a family law attorney and a financial advisor.
If you’re considering remarrying your ex, the skilled family law attorneys at SFLG can help you navigate the specific issues couples in this situation face.
By Debra Schoenberg
